Past Mistakes
by Agent Penguin
Summary: Severus looks back on a moment in his life where he lose a frined and reveils why he became a teacher.


A/N: I adore the fact that Snape was in love with Lily so I came up with this little one shot. Gives some insight why Snape decided to become a professor even though he seems to hate children.

A/N 2: So I've had a few people that Lily and Snape fight their fifth year…I know this, but it that time line didn't fit in with my time line so I made my own, making this memory take place right after their N.E.W.T's instead of their O.W.L's.

Enjoy!

Severus sat under a large tree looking out over the lake, enjoying the warm feeling of the last rays of sun before it dropped out of sight behind the mountains. He sighed, absentmindedly plucking pieces of grass up from the ground. A gentle wind blew the scent of freshly trimmed grass over his face like a caress and he breathed in deeply, allowing the comforting smell of early summer to bring him back to another place in time. . . . .

"Severus!" a soft voice called from behind him. A girl with almond shaped green eyes and long shiny red hair came rushing up to him as he walked along the Hogwarts grounds. He adjusted the strap of his bag as he waited for the girl to catch up.

"Lily," he greeted with a smile. It had been a long week of testing and he missed his ginger friend. "How do you think you did on your N.W.E.T's?" Lily shrugged.

"As well as I could, though I doubt as well as you," she said, linking her arm with Severus's, who scoffed as they continued to walk along the grounds towards a large tree that had a great view of the Black Lake.

"Please, my only achievements lie in Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts," Severus said. "I've not the skill you have in Charms or Transfiguration, and you skills in Potions and Defense are equal to mine."

"Severus you put my skills to shame!" Lily insisted. Severus gave her a skeptical look. "Oh don't give me that look Severus Snape! You know as well as I you have a career in both fields if you wish. And I don't want to hear other wise." Severus rolled his eyes as he dropped his pack onto the ground and sat down next to his things and Lily did the same.

"Alright mother," he said and Lily playfully elbowed him in the ribs.

"I am pleased to say I am not your mother," Lily said flattening her skirt out around her. "I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was." Severus chuckled. They sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the warm weather and freedom from tests and classes, but mostly they enjoyed each others company.

"What do you plan on doing after Hogwarts?" Severus asked Lily quietly. Lily looked at him and shrugged.

"Depends," she said as Severus reached out and gently played with a strand of her red hair that shined beautifully in the sunlight. "I'll wait to see what I get on my N.E.W.T's. I want to get into the teaching. Maybe come back to Hogwarts. Pass my knowledge down to the next generations." Severus looked up at Lily with approval.

"Lily that's a great ambition," he said. "I can absolutely see you as a teacher. Professor Evens has a nice ring to it and I think you can fill those black teaching robes quite nicely." Lily felt her cheeks heat up.

"Hopefully not as nicely as Slughorn," Lily mumbled and Severus laughed a deep, satisfied laugh that flattered Lily a bit knowing that she provoked it.

"Let's hope not," he agreed.

"How about you," Lily asked. "What do you want to do with your life?" Severus shrugged.

"I'm not positive, though I really would like to travel a bit before I settle down with a career. What's wrong?" Severus suddenly asked seeing Lily's sullen expression.

"You're not going to stick around after graduation?" Lily asked. Severus looked sideways at the girl beside him.

"Not unless I have a reason to," he hinted, hoping Lily would catch his subtlety.

"Oh," was all Lily said and they lapsed into silence once again, but this one was much heavier then the one before. Severus was about to open his mouth again, hoping to rectify the situation by telling Lily that he would stay if she wanted him to, but Lily opened her mouth first.

"I hope I don't always stay Evans forever," she said. Severus let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

"What do you hope to be?" he asked. He silently cursed his voice for raising a few octaves.

"Something other then Evans," she answered. Her voice was a tad distance and distracted. Severus noticed she was looking at something across the grounds. He followed her gaze and his eyes fell upon the four teenagers that had made his life hell for the past seven years at Hogwarts. He looked back at Lily and she seemed to have a goofy dazed smile on her face. Severus felt sick.

"Potter perhaps?" he spat. Lily looked at him with confusion.

"What about him?" she asked looking slightly guilty.

"Would you prefer to be a Potter?" Severus snapped. He had hoped that Lily would deny it outright; tell him that James Potter was a stuck-up conceded arse that only cared for his self, but her silence told Severus volumes more then anything she could say. He felt his heart clench painfully.

"Did you expect me to stay single my whole life?" she asked gently.

"No," Severus said trying to hide his pain. He should have seen this coming. Of course Lily was attracted to Potter; every girl in the whole school was attracted to Potter. It should have been no surprise to Severus that Lily didn't find anything attractive about him. He was after all a greasy Slytherin with a too big nose and horrible friends.

"Oh Severus," Lily gasped reading Severus's words and expression, realizing the mistake she had made. "Oh Severus I never—"

"Never what?" Severus snarled.

"I never though that you—"

"I what?" he demanded trying to hide his pain behind a mask of anger and hate.

"I never thought that you liked me," she said in a quiet voice, her cheeks becoming as red as her hair.

"How could I like a mudblood like you?" Severus sneered. Even as the words left his mouth Severus regretted even thinking them, but he refused to let it show, even when Lily gasped and looked as if he had strike her.

"How dare you Severus Snape," she hissed slapping him hard across the face before grabbing her bag and marching off across the ground.

Severus watched her go, admiring the power that radiated from the young witch, enthralled with the beautiful red hair fluttering from the breeze and her steady pace. The sting of her slap stayed with Severus for the rest of his life. That afternoon was the last time he would touch that auburn hair or cause those emerald eyes to sparkle with mirth. He would regard that day as one of his greatest mistakes, right up there with the prophecy, marking the only person he ever loved for death. . . .

Severus wiped away a lone tear. After Lily's death he vowed to make her dream his own. Teaching young minds and passing down his knowledge from one generation to the next, waiting for the time her child would walk through the halls of Hogwarts and his time of redemption would arise, protecting and guiding the Boy Who Lived until Severus took his last breath and hopefully be reunited with the girl who had emerald eyes and will forgive him for his past mistakes.


End file.
